he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
