I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize