dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
