You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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