I only kidnapped one of them. chill
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are we still banned from the library?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
