i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
