What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
