Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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