porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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