Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
