so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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