Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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