You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
