Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
