I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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