my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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