Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Bring me that man meat
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
