so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
