My cat gives me a boner
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
