Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
