he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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