just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
