dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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