3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
