What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When are your genitals available?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
