i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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