i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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