i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
