I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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