How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
