there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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