I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
