someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
