Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
