Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
