just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
