It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
