Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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