dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
