I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
