tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
