I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
