I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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