thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
