I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
