I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
