I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't put those talents on a resume
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
