Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
