If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
