Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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