You made me cry and you don't even care
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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