You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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