We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
