I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
