Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
