If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
