she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i out mim tonsoeep
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