i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
